Domestic violence survivor and author of Rose Amongst Thorns, Rose Vawda attempted to divorce her ex-husband of six years four times before she got the courage to finally walk away.The 55-year-old from Ladysmith in KZN believes that had she not divorced her abusive husband, she might have ended up in jail for his murder.             "I planned how I was going to poison his coffee and food or shoot him with his firearm to end the abuse.' 

A GUN TO HER HEAD

Rose explained that every time she submitted her divorce application her ex-husband would threaten her life. "I remember at one point he held a gun to my head and made me promise that I loved him and would not leave him, I had to repeat after him," she recalls. Sometimes she would wake me up in the middle of the night armed with his service firearm forcing me to do military drills in the living room.'  She adds that when she arrived home late from work, she would find him waiting for her in their living room and would discharge a firearm, directed at her feet.He would laugh at her silly while she jumped up and down to escape the flying bullets.

DOCKETS GO MISSING 

She says that her husband, who worked as a police officer at the time ,would assault her and tell her that even if, "I opened a case against him it would not go anywhere. I opened over 20 cases against him but every time they would be thrown out of court for lack of evidence or the docket would go missing."  Rose says she would  boast to her that he is a police officer and that he knows not to leave evidence that would incriminate him behind."Every time I opened a case he would lodge a counter case claiming that I was the one abusing him and our daughter. "I remember one time our daughter was playing on the bed and she fell and injured her hand, he reported me to the social workers that I abused her,' she remembers.

 BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

Looking back at the years she was married to her husband, she says she doesn't remember a single day when she was happy.She lived with fear and constantly walked on eggshells.  Rose adds that in public her ex-husband was a perfect gentleman and many envied their relationship but behind closed doors, he was someone else.        "I worked as an accountant; he would show up at work randomly with a bouquet to check whether I was in the office or not. A few months into the relationship he proposed marriage, I went out to a club to celebrate the big with a group of friends, and before I knew it he arrived uninvited. He dragged me screaming and kicking out of the club and went on to assault me while outside the club.I was rescued by a group of men who assaulted him and even broke his nose, this made him even angrier,' Rose says.

 BRINGING SHAME TO THE FAMILY

The author adds that after surviving the assault, she decided to call off the engagement but his family pleaded with her not to as this would bring shame to the family. "They advised me that the abuse and his possessive nature would eventually work itself out, once we were married. They were only worried that the date was already out and plans were already set in motion towards the big day,' she says. Rose now works with victims of abuse at POWA to help them deal with the trauma and get back on their feet."I know the pain of feeling helpless, trapped and at the mercy of your abuser but I made it out alive, I use my story to support those in need,' she concludes.