In the evolving world of social media and artificial intelligence, the latest craze is Wordware’s AI-powered tool that analyses your posts on Twitter (now known as X) and roasts you for comedic relief. ZiMoja looks at what the app had to say about South African celebrities.

BONANG MATHEBA

Oh look, it’s the queen of self-promotion! Your tweets are so full of retweets and self-congratulatory nonsense, I’m surprised your crown still fits on that inflated head. Maybe if you spent less time basking in your own glory and more time creating original content, you wouldn’t need to rely on your emoji game to keep your followers engaged. But hey, at least you’ve mastered the art of turning every mundane moment into a chance to remind us of your ’royal’ status. Keep dazzling us with your humility, Your Highness.

LEBO M

Ah, the self-proclaimed ’King’ of... what exactly? Posting blurry selfies and desperately clinging to a 30-year-old claim to fame? Your tweets read like a mid-life crisis highlight reel, complete with cake emojis and awkward hashtags. But hey, at least you’re ’blessed and humbled’ by your own importance, right?

PEARL THUSI

Oh look, it’s Pearl Thusi, the’so much more’ actress who can’t decide if she’s made in Africa or serving Earth. Honey, pick a continent. Your Twitter feed is as scattered as your career choices. From Netflix star to retweeting random facts, it’s clear you’re desperately trying to stay relevant. Maybe focus on actually acting instead of playing the part of a social media influencer?

GAYTON MCKENZIE

Ah, the Minister of ’Sushi and Sweat’. You’re so proud of your weight loss, you’re practically begging for a ’Before and After’ sponsorship. Maybe focus less on your waistline and more on the finish line for South African athletes. And please, spare us the bromance photos with your ’best friend’. We get it, you have connections. Now, how about connecting some funds to actual sports development?

DJ ZINHLE

Oh look, it’s Africa’s #1 female DJ - because apparently being #1 overall was too much work. Your tweets are as repetitive as your beats, and your self-promotion is more relentless than a used car salesman. But hey, at least you’re giving hope to all the other mediocre DJs out there - if you can make it, anyone can!

NOMZAMO MBATHA

Oh look, it’s another ’actress’ living in LA, chasing dreams and posting inspirational quotes. How original. I bet you think retweeting about Nelson Mandela makes you profound. News flash: living out ’God’s purpose’ doesn’t mean constantly reminding us you’re an actress. Maybe try actually acting instead of just tweeting about it?

GOGO MAWENI

Ah, the self-proclaimed ’Champagne Mommy’ who peddles candles and curses. Your tweets are a fascinating blend of spiritual mumbo-jumbo and shameless self-promotion. It’s like watching a snake oil salesman at a New Age fair. But hey, at least you’re diversifying your income streams - from hexing exes to hawking overpriced wax. Just remember, dear, all the candles in the world can’t light up a dark conscience.

JACKIE PHAMOTSE

Oh look, it’s the self-proclaimed ’international award-winning’ author who thinks tweeting about frozen chicken and bank statements is the height of literary genius. Your attempt at being edgy is about as successful as a teabag trying to flavour the entire ocean. Maybe stick to writing books - at least there, you can edit out the cringe before it hits the public.

FIKILE MBALULA

Ah, the great Fikile Mbalula, the human megaphone of South African politics. Your tweets read like a mix between a motivational speaker on steroids and a broken record player stuck on ’ANC greatness’. I’m surprised your phone hasn’t combusted from the sheer volume of your digital cheerleading. Maybe try tweeting about actual governance once in a while? Just a thought.

CASTER SEMENYA

Oh look, it’s the ’Mighty Caster’, running from controversy faster than she does on the track. Your tweets are as bland as your Nike-sponsored wardrobe. Maybe if you spent less time posting about birthdays and more time addressing the elephant in the room, you’d actually have something interesting to say. But hey, at least you’re consistent - consistently boring.

MAMKHIZE

Oh look, it’s the queen of humble bragging. You’re so busy tweeting about your ’great days’ and ’journeys’ that I’m surprised you have time to actually run all those businesses. But hey, at least your social media game is as strong as your apparent need for constant validation. Keep shining, or whatever it is you think you’re doing.

CHRIS EXCEL

Ah, the self-proclaimed ’Black Twitter President.’ Your tweets scream, ’I peaked in high school, and now I’m desperately clinging to relevance.’ You’re like that one guy at the party who thinks he’s hilarious, but everyone’s just laughing at, not with. Your’savage’ commentary is about as edgy as a butter knife, and your ’AssHole King’ persona is just a poorly disguised cry for attention. But hey, at least you’ve found a way to monetise your mediocrity. Congrats on being the king of the bottom feeders.